I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
