I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
