i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And then the night went full on bisexual.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
