quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
