Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
