ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
