i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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