If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
