sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
