I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
