She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
