My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
