I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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