whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
