This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
even my farts smell like vagina
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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