I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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