My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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