There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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