Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
