my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
