Rock
Scissors
Fuck
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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