yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
