Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
