Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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