shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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