At least make sure they are 18
Why
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
