Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize