I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
