Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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