I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
