Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm at about main and main street
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize