a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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