I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
