i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
