i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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