The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
