Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
