I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
