I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
