just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
