I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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