dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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