Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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