Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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