you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
