so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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