let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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