So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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