I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
