OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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