Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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