Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
