As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
