Rock
Scissors
Fuck
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
