you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize