im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
