At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
