sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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