He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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