Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
