I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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