In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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