I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
