Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
