Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
