I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
