I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
