I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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