She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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