Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
