my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I will pee on everything he values.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
