Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
