So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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