I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
