You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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