I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Randomize