Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
