My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
