I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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