New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize