today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
