just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
