Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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