She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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