Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
