Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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