I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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