you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
