Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
