(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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