I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
