Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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