what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
