i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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