I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's rum buckets o'clock
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
